I'mma do the things i wanna do

I don't particularly feel like posting a legitimate blog post tonight so i'll just be all thankful.





1)rockband
2)things to look forward to
3)options
4)vacation
5)going out to dinner with my love =)

Christmas!

As expected, it's been a beautiful two days of christmas celebration. it's funny how as you get older, your outlook changes slightly every year. I wish i could say that the childlike wonder and innocence is still there but of course, as a product of the "teen years" it has dimmed slightly. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love Christmas and will continue to my whole life. But every year, your eyes open a little more. there are more distractions and thoughts buzzing inside of your head and, for me, i sometimes find it hard to be in the moment. nevertheless, i will always maintain the wonder and beauty of christmas in my heart. because what's life without christmas?

On christmas eve, we went down to my aunt and uncle's house in north caldwell NJ, which is always a great time. their house is beautiful, the food is good and, of course, you're around family. unfortunately, it was raining the whole trip down, which washed away most of the snow...it would have been beautiful to have fresh snow on the ground christmas morning. Since we're being thankful this season (really, it should be all the time) i'd like to express my thanks for my siblings. we argue. a lot. but we're also each other's lifelines, best friends and party buddies. if all else fails and we know no one at a party (which wasnt the case for this party), we stay close to each other and have fun amongst ourselves. we were taking crazy pictures and eating a lot and playing christmas trivia games with my crazy godmother/aunt. on the way home, we were getting tired. but midnight mass still loomed ahead of us. i absolutely love midnight mass. it is by far the most beautiful part about christmas, for me. because the church is silent, softly lighted, the altar is decorated with vibrant poinsettas. there aren't the distractions of gifts or secular things. father bob, our new priest, performed his first midnight mass and he did so well. getting home at 1:00 in the morning has become a christmas tradition. the upside is that it forces us to go right to bed so that santa can come ;)

christmas morning dawned 40 degrees and sunny. blech. but there was still a tiny bit of snow on the ground and the sky was a beautiful blue. so i couldn't complain. my brother woke me up, like always, but this year was frustrating because my mom chose to sing at the 8 am mass, so we, being good and patient children, waited until she got home to open presents (she likes to be there to see what "santa" brought) so the three of us partied in mariel's room until mom came home. as soon as she walked in, we sprinted downstairs. and santa treated us very very well. the beauty of christmas morning never looses it's spark for me. the lighted tree, the warm fireplace, the sun shining in the windows and the brightly colored wrapping paper. the material aspect is obviously not the most important, so i wont list what i received. lets just say we were all very happy =)

as also is tradtion, my grandparents and my aunt and uncle come to our house for christmas day. so we spent the beginning of the day preparing and cleaning. and once everyone showed up, the house looked beautiful, we had christmas music playing and the food was all set up. i absolutely love spending time with my family. we have so much fun together. of course, there were more presents ;) overall, the day was beautiful and i think we kept the christmas spirit very much alive. i love this post-celebration feeling of satisfaction.


my thankfulness list is extremely long, but i'll keep it to 5.

1) spending time with family
2) being happy
3) our cozy home
4) having the rest of the vacation to enjoy
5) the spirit of christmas

affirmative. i poked one. it was dead

1)snow days
2)supportive best friends
3)flight of the conchords on DVD
4)baking christmas cookies
5)snow day



thank you!

beautiful.

now THAT'S dedication <3333

here comes the luck of the draw!

i'm blogging now even though i'm not finished with what i have to do because..well, i feel like it. weather.gov has been checked so frequently by every student that i'm surprised it hasn't overloaded. just like everyone else, i would love a snow day. but, as usual, i'm setting myself up for a let down.


1) chai tea
2) slipper socks
3) phone coversations
4) expressing a thought
5) 8th period lessons

some joker put my smile on upside down

i feel rather accomplished, in spite of my breakdown. i was able to do the french homework, write a ballad, work on christmas presents, work on my portrait, update my ipod and (in a few minutes) study for math. i flexed my creative muscle quite a bit today, which i'm happy about. it's so stress relieving to express yourself through art or sometimes, a suicidal ballad =)
this is the home stretch guys!! one week, give or take two days (which hopefully will be stress free) until christmas break!!! i know i'm excited. since i'm clearly procrastinating, i'm going to leave you with a list. it's a nice close.



1) new music (the rumble strips)
2) mariel getting into college. congrats sis!
3) our decorated christmas tree =)
4) being productive
5) teachers postponing tests

still sick =(

i apologize, i will make up for my pitiful posts tomorrow


1) connecting with family
2) advent calendars
3) friends who stop by to check up on you =))
4) thinking its sunday when its really saturday
5) flirting ;)




good night!!

wanna know why i carry a knife?

this'll be a quickie cause its very late (in case the time thing isnt working, its 11:07)





1)SNOW DAYS
2)my sister
3)good morals
4)the dark knight
5)shopping

it rains when you're here and it rains when you're gone

I'm bracing myself for a disappointment. meaning either a two hour delay or a full day of school. that's what i'm thinking. cause right now its just plain raining. but im sick of talking about the weather. so i still have math to do. i've been slacking a little bit in terms of homework. and i'm kinda loaded for the next week.





1) being able to help friends
2) new, good music
3) fleece blankets
4) packages
5) my cell phone

you refuse to believe

if you haven't noticed i name my posts after the song i'm listening to at the time.

i decided to, for today, add a list of things i'm looking forward to. it'll help me get through the coming days



1) going to sleep
2) hanging out with becky on friday
3) getting a christmas tree on saturday
4) going christmas shopping
5) CHRISTMAS!!! obviously
6) kerianne and meghan's sweet 16

ughhhhh part two

as christmas is approaching, school is getting harder and harder to deal with. i like to call it the see-saw effect. don't even talk to me about the weather. it's sickening. plus, i didn't get the math WHATSOEVER, a nice cherry topping to the failure of a quiz i took today. I really dislike not understanding the concepts. it makes me feel like i wasn't paying attention. but i was, she just didn't teach it. as usual. also, i'm getting sick and i still haven't come to terms with the fact that i'm a massive chunk. so this will be a pretty scruffy list.



1) Taylor Swift
2) chapstick
3) study hall
4) the fact that we got the Dark Knight from netflix
5) a light homework load

ughhhhh

yeah so not everyone is keeping up with their daily posts! not that i have nothing else to do and i do this purely for enjoyment, but once i commit to something like this, i have to do it every day haha

i have SUCH a massive headache and tonight has been a really bad homework night. i didn't finish the last math problem, i can't finish the chem lab cause im missing my periodic table, i'm planning to copy the french from someone, and i need to transfer my reading journal into my actual journal. stupendous! i'm not dropping the ball or anything...

I can't keep track of everything i have to do!!!!!!!!!!!! grrrrrrrrrr



1) Advil
2) peanut butter and apples
3) Jess <33
4) hot showers
5) Scrubs

i need a snow day!

since i didn't leave you with a list, i'll give you one now



1) extended deadlines
2) E! news
3) sweatshirts
4) doughnuts
5) double-spacing



i REALLY want/need a snow day!!!!!

blah blah blah

hi everyone. this isn'y my official daily post, meaning you can expect one later, but i need to get out what's been festering inside me for a good portion of the day. i'd first like to apologize for my little meltdown today, cause that's all it was. i really try to avoid making a scene like that. I'm not completely uptight. i can handle a bad grade every once in a while. but i have a hard time handling a bad grade after i studied and stayed after, which was the case with this chem quiz. not to mention, i have a slight history of less than admirable grades in that particular class. i know i'm not dumb. but i have to say, the more logical subjects (i.e. math, chemistry) don't sit well with my brain. precisely why i am going into the english field. the quiz got me but also, the fates of the universe (even though i fought adamently against the existence of such powers while in english) caused me to forgot how to do the last question on the math quiz. which just reinforced this intellectual inadequacy in my mind. thanks to my great friends, (jess, kerianne, cristina and christian <33) i'm ok =)

here comes the bride...

the elusive christa shows her face!! congratulations guys =))


alicia is really cool

Brrrr!!

it's so cold and windy!! perfect winter weather =) i just wish there was snow. we had some today and it was beautiful but it was gone by the morning. Ok i want to tell you about my favorite couple. they're an elderly couple that go to my church. I don't know their names, so lets call them Margaret and Earl. They attend the 10:30 mass every sunday and they're absolutely adorable. The woman is tall and thin and she wears long coats. she always wears a tweed bucket hat and she makes herself up so nicely. she has beautiful cheekbones and bright blue eyes. she must have been gorgeous when she was young. Her husband, earl, is the sweetest thing. he is also tall, taller than her, and has wispy white hair. he wears glasses and walks extremely slowly, shuffling along in his orthopedic shoes. he has this look on his face of frustration, as if he's doing something wrong, but he can't figure out what it is. They sometimes hold hands while they're sitting in the pew, his arthritic hands entwined in her small, veiny hands. they're very quiet. I love to create histories for people I see that I connect with. I like to think that Margaret and Earl met when they were young, maybe over the summer. He thought she was so beautiful and it was total puppy love. They were together for their last two years of high school, but they broke up when they both went away to college. maybe he was in the army. they met up years later, and the love was still there, strong as ever. so they got married. they never had any children, all they needed was each other. and now they live in a small house and she takes care of him and never gets impatient, no matter how slow he walks. that's my story for them =)

in other news, i realized on friday that i forgot to bring home my things for french (i have a test tomorrow) but i figured at that point that i could skip gym and study then. but today i realized that i forgot my global textbook, so i'll have to skip gym to do my global. basically, i needed to study. so i went over to cristina's and we kind of studied...like we ate pizza, watched CSI and stalked people on facebook. i'm going to fail.

i have to work on my portrait now cause it's due friday and i still have ALL my hair to do. but i'll listen to christmas music while i'm doing it.



1) elderly couples
2) cozy sweaters
3) wind
4) my kitties
5) snow

shush girl, shut your lips, do the hellen keller and talk with your hips

hey guys! my internet is down on my computer, so i'm using my dad's. which translates into fun typing!i had a wonderfully productive day today, mostly centered around christmas. but first, last night. i had an amazing time with kerianne and potash. we went to fratello's which looked so spectacular, all decked out for christmas. obviously, we had some delicious food, juicy conversation and sweet eye candy (not as sweet as johnny, but it was an adequate fill in). and then we walked to the railroad green, which was all lit up, and sat in the cold like a couple...well, a threesome, if you wanna get technical. and i love them. a lot. now today, i woke up, cleaned my room, ate a bowl of smart start =)) and took a shower. then meghan came to pick me up at like 12 and me, her, her mom, pat and her grandma went to the middle school craft fair. i had never been. everything was so christmas-y! it put me in such a good mood. we left around 2:30 and went back to her house to work on a global project on the potato famine. it was soo difficult to get it right! but it's pretty much finished. i just have to write a poem. but the past two days have been great cause i love my friends! i just miss my jess =( <33 i just got finished decorating my room for christmas WHILE listening to christmas music. it was so perfect. and now i'm excited for christmas. my brother made really delicious looking brownies and it's almost dinner time. so i'm gonna leave you with a much too short thankfulness list.


1) 3OH!3- a band that my sister and i discovered for ourselves today
2) craig wachsman, for helping us through our project
3) oranges
4) snow in the forecast
5) all things christmas

you can't break a christmas promise!

I'm watching merry christmas drake and josh and it's really funny. but like most things drake and josh, it makes no sense. my day today was pretty hectic, but i got through it. it's pretty chilly right now, so i'm hoping it snows. it would just add to the allure of the ever increasing christmas lights popping up all over town.the two most beautiful places in town right now are the railroad green and fratello's. so festive!!
happy weekend everyone!



1) blasting music
2) potash and kerianne <3
3) snowflake pajama pants
4) christmas movies
5) weekends

I am the swamp monster!

I'm swamped! that's the reason for that clever but unfunny title. For tomorrow I have a vocab quiz, a poetry quiz (both in the same subject) a chemistry quiz, a math quiz and a global test. wow. but i'll just grin and bear it! no philosophical stuff tonight because my brain power is being used for memorization and such. so i'm just gonna skip right on down to the list. 'night!


1) peanut butter
2) forgiveness
3) good art pencils
4) blow pops
5) rainbows

tune me out if necessary

i know you're sick of it. and i'm sorry. but i just need to express this overwhelming love, respect and admiration for my favorite group of men. they're not even a band to me anymore. they make the most beautiful, inspiring, musically and lyrically incredible music. their sense of humor, their attitudes...i can't even really explain what they mean to me. please don't think i'm obsessed. it's kind of deeper than that. because i feel like i know them. <3(Frank, Gerard, Bob, Ray and Mikey) distribute the love.


thankfulness list:

1)cold weather
2)fireplaces
3)dark chocolate
4)naps
5)the band room

I wake up every evening with a big smile on my face

Human relationships are so intricate and fascinating. Like a web of delicate strands of emotions, relationships can be strong as lead one day, and seem to crumble before your eyes the next. A trait that you found endearing in a person just yesterday might take a toll on your nerves today. It's such a delicate balance, no matter how strong the relationship seems. You have to feel out the mental and emotional states of that person, find out what makes them tick, determine if they're prone to mood swings, etc. Relationships should really be classified as a fine art. It takes effort, emotional strength, trust, emotional intelligence and a certain amount of selflessness to form a concrete bond. But in terms of the people in my life, it's 10000% worth the effort.



Thankfulness List:

1) having a sister that can drive
2) chai tea
3) calendars to plan your life
4) study hall
5) christmas lights

Just a side note

it's really global FREEZING everyone. false alarm. so break out the ice picks and snow gloves! cause we're in for an ice age ;)

sometimes even the right is wrong

hi guys!

isn't it great to randomly learn things about yourself? for example: i learned that i enjoy a schedule, order, whatever you want to call it. I can't quite think of the word. As much as I may resist it in the form of school, doing things on a day to day basis keeps me level-headed. It's wonderfully relaxing to blog every night. Some other repetition? watching the tyra show everyday, reading before i go to bed, listening to music and changing my clothes as soon as i get home =)


Thankfulness List!

1) cultural diffusion (without it we wouldn't have hip hop or chinese food!)
2) My Chemical Romance
3) thick comforters...yumm
4) ice cream
5) God

Explanation:

Rest assured, this generic background is not permanent. I was just getting so unbearably sick of the old one. So it will be coming! I just need someone relatively techy to explain to me how to change it...

And truth be told, I'm lying

hey everyone!

You know how there are points in your life when you realize something you've always known? Well, today was one of those days. the realization: we're all growing up. There are lessons to learned, situations to be experienced and responsibilities to be met. I've never wanted to grow up. I still don't. Because my idea of growing up is growing old, being weighed down by responsibility, not enjoying life, getting depressed. But I am determined to not get that way. After all, when you think of all the experiences we have ahead of us, how can you not be excited? My mom and I had a long and surprisingly productive conversation about college. Kinda mapping out my next two years in high school, without loading on the pressure. And a lot of things became clearer, in terms of how I want to execute my passions, whatever those passions may be. It's important to remember that we can do and be whatever we want to be. I know that's annoyingly cliche and you've heard it a million times, but it really is true. There's nothing holding any of us back. For those of you that have Ms. Insinger, the discussion about destiny really got me thinking. And after hearing story upon story of people of destitute backgrounds and severely limited means overcoming all obstacles and becoming not only successful, but happy, I believe even more firmly that the individual creates their own destiny. There is no guiding force that determines our future. That is up to us. I believe in God. Really, I do. Incredibly strongly. But it was He who gave us free will. For me, free will translates into us determining what we're going to do with what we're given. Going on that principle, an individual can accomplish whatever they put their mind to. That's truly inspiring to me.

I cannot predict what I will be doing 10 years from now. And I love it that way. All I know is that no matter how physically old I become, I will always be young at heart, and in spirit. And that's enough for me. Now I just can't wait to accomplish whatever I decide to accomplish. And yes, I will be the one deciding.


1) good music
2) fireplaces
3) tea
4) dark skies
5) poetry

What a beautiful thing!

After reading my sweetheart jess's blog, I am 100% joining in. I think thats a wonderful thing and i try to sometimes do it on my own, but its going to be great to get it all down in writing. I wish i had been home to start on thanksgiving day, but since there are reasons to be thankful everyday, now is as good a time as ever. so here goes:


1) my family, who fights a lot but always loves each other
2) my cozy house =)
3) my kitties
4) my health (not everyone can say the same)
5) my beautiful friends


my thanksgiving was really beautiful because i got to share it with my family. we're defenitely an odd bunch, but then again, every family has their quirks. my mom, mariel, julian and I went down wednesday to cook and help out our grandma. it was pretty rewarding to put everything on the table and know that we had helped. so we ate a lot, watched football, prayed and had fun.


i want to get that little icon thing that jess has so i can be all official. i hope everyone had a great thanksgiving and watched the jonas brothers. 'night!

We're all too small to talk to God

I've picked up on a slightly new outlook about myself as of lately. Brought on by nothing other than my own personal development, I've started to see all these little ups and downs as all part of a much, much bigger picture. I've always believed that as a philosophy, but now I'm subconciously putting it into play. As I'm going through a rough time, I'm able to project to future results and clearly focus on the actual severity of the issue. This causes my reactions to be much less intense. I realized a few years ago that one bad test grade is not the end of the world (I say this because before, I really did believe that a bad grade would make the world fall apart). As of this year, however, I really feel it. This is not to say that I don't care. Or that grades don't matter to me. But I am by nature a very emotionally reactive and pesimistic person. So this approach helps me to quell some unnecessary emotions. After all, in a few years even the biggest obstacles will be conquered road blocks. I still put my heart and soul into all worthy pursuits, but with a few less nerves and a lot more insight.

Ugh

I don't wanna go to school. But what else is new. Things could be worse! I'm running around looking for an outfit cause i actually have to go on the bus tomorrow so i can't spend time doing that in the morning. I have to take the bus cause my mom and my sister are currently in buffalo on a college visit at Canisius. They'll be back Monday evening. On my plate tomorrow is a vocab quiz, bagels in O' Connors =) and playing at the board meeting with the jazz band. I want musical rehersal to start!! which reminds me "murder takes the stage" was really good!

Live and Learn

two very important words that kind of summarize the past two stressful days. I've rehashed it so many times in my mind and I'm just point blank tired of thinking about it. I think, in retrospect, it was one of the greatest learning experiences I've had. It's funny how what I got out of the whole thing was bigger and more meaningful than the whole situation itself. I've learned to trust my instincts because they tend to be right. I've learned more about the people around me then I would have ever known. I realized how blessed my life is and how much I enjoy where I'm at right now, despite the obvious ups and downs. Because they seem to just contribute to the whole aura and the memories that I'm forming. I tend to do things for other people. I have this nasty habit of putting myself in the other person's shoes and acting from that. But this time I did what felt right, what made me happy. I wasn't selfish or cruel about it. I was real about it. I appreciate so much everyone that gave me even the tiniest bit of advice. Every little bit showed how much you care. Or at least pretend to ; ) Through this little ordeal I also learned how much of life I still have yet to live and how much I have yet to experience. Furthermore, I came to the conclusion that the relationships I have with my friends, family and God are the only ones I need and want right now.
So since the theme is "moving on," I want to move on to my life in the near future. I successfully finished my chemistry lab, I have study hall tomorrow to do my math in, "The Scarlet Letter" is staring me down, a book I plan to read but haven't had the patience to sit through for more than a few pages, I have jazz band tomorrow which, if i can scrounge up some money, will hopefully be followed by Hunan Wednesday, and apparently Taylor Swift's new CD is amazing. I had to start a new sentence cause I didn't want to be the culprit in a run-on sentence crime. I really want to watch a Charlie Brown movie tonight, Thanksgiving is in 15 days, which means Mark and Wayne are coming home! and I really hope I make drama because I'm soo excited to be in it. I have to take a shower now and help out with dinner. So expect another post in the next few days!

The Power of Music

Music is so incredible. Musical prodigies are consumed by it, musical enthusiasts live for it, musical performers make it their lives and everyone is moved in some way by music. Classical music can transport you to past eras, contemporary music brings you to a fantasy world or helps you cope with your own world. Music itself can act as a catalyst, producing completely unexpected reactions from the most predictable of people. Music can make or break a person's life. Music can provide hope for an individual in the most despairing of conditions. People go crazy for music. It is surrounding us at all times. A beautifully orchestrated piece of music gives me shivers. Playing music makes me feel like a different person. A more powerful person, a more wordly person. I can't fully explain what music is to the human race. But in my opinion, it is one of the more formidable building blocks of society. What life would be without it, I can't even imagine.

Binary Solo

Hey everyone! If a tree falls in the woods and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?....haha what a stupid question. I hate it. Anyway, I had a good day off. I slept over Jess's last night which was fun, as usual. I have a new favorite band <3 and I'm pretty happy! It seems like things are finally working out. But I'm not gonna say anything hastily and then regret it.

So I'm really looking forward to my birthday. I'll finally be like a normal age. Even if its just for a few weeks. Then I'm the baby again. I'm excited for Applefest and Jess's sweet 16 and Mariel (hopefully?) getting her liscense. Cross your fingers!

As expected, I'm really not excited to go back to school cause I have an annoying next three days. But I'll make it bearable somehow. Leave me a comment, or somethin.

Just a lil something for the ride =)

Essay writing is both a joy and tribulation in my life. If the task is clear and the reason for writing legitimate, I can write for pages and pages, whether I believe in the subject or not. But after a while, the well runs dry and I'm left with stale ideas, lame connecting sentences and a tired forearm. What does this relate to? I'll give you a hint: it's not the meaning of life. Nope, it's just the dozens of essays we have to write for english. Grrr I've never watched the clock so closely in my life. The prospect of sitting for 6 hours in June and writing 4 consecutive essays chills my blood. Although despite the complaning, the english regents will most likely be the easiest of the four regents exams that I'm taking at the end of this year. The joy and anticipation are overwhelming...

it's a love story, baby just say yes

Now you're all going to think I'm bipolar. So I apologize for the confusion. But little things can change your perspective, as we all know. Things like a nice long talk with mom <3 or seeing your beautiful best friends make it through their lives. Or maybe just small things to look forward to. Or maybe writing a really meaningful poem, or experiencing a refreshing release. For me, I was fortunate to experience all of these. And now I'm content, if not happy. I hate to generalize life, because although I'm still young, I've learned that life is an open-ended question. And each person has their own answer, whether they know it or not. I still predict this will be a rough year. But I refuse to nail myself down to one area, whether it be academics, music whatever. Because I'm a multi-faceted person. My idea of fulfillment ranges from watching a great TV show to completing a really great sketch or nailing a trumpet piece, or even writing an excellent essay. I'm not meant to live life on a single and unwavering track. No one is. So yes, I'm still a consciencous student. I still study, even if its out of vogue, and I still care very much about my success as a student. But unlike in the past, I'm going to try not to feel guilty when I fawn over an outfit, or spend an hour or two listening to music or just take a nap so I can dream. These are the things, I realize, that make my life worth living, instead of just "getting through it all." There's so much more to come. I have dreams to dream and things to accomplish. I am so fortunate to have the friends and family that I do. And that statement is so overused that is loses some of its meaning. But I can assure you, I squeeze every amount of meaning out of it. I feel so proud, so happy to see my friends succeed and be happy. My family's love and support move me to tears. And so, when I have such spectacular people in my life, being unhappy would almost be like letting them down...

inspiration on hold

I've always had a passion for life. Things like getting mail, eating ice cream, petting a cat or even going to shoprite usually make me genuinely happy. But lately, my life has felt so unfulfilling that I can't muster any enthusiasm for things that once made me excited. I want so much out of life that I'm not getting. I don't mean to sound selfish. What I mean is that I feel I need a miracle of sorts. I need to be doing something that I absolutely love. something fast-paced and glamorous, or just something that will get me out of warwick. I really do apologize for sounding so shallow. that is not my intent. But i think you understand where I'm coming from when i say i need something more. the monotony of everyday life is really getting to me. to be perfectly honest, i could never understand why people said they hated school until this year. School is usually an exciting, fun experience for me. I have never really minded the work load, even as it got heavier, because i had fun with my friends, i had great teachers and exciting events to look forward to. this year, i hardly see my friends, my teachers aren't inspiring me and somehow football games and dances aren't cutting it. I'm yearning for something beyond my life now. because if there's one thing I'm afraid of and will never let myself do is to grow up, raise a family, get old and die without ever making anything of myself. I'm really not trying to imply that I have over-whelming amounts of star quality, but i just feel like i could go so far. i just need to go out and find the opportunity. a task that is seeming more and more unrealistic. basically, to sum it up, I'm feeling very restless here while trying to be grateful for what i do have.

put on a happy face =)

things are beginning to look up. Not that they were ever that horrible, but I'm settling into the routine, although I still have no embraced sophmore year as much as I embraced freshmen year, and school doesn't seem quite so much like the enemy. Still have those early mornings, long days and busy afternoons, but sometimes hard work is good therapy. Especially if you get everything done well. Anyway, I know I'm kind of rambling. As Mrs. Insinger would say, I don't have a clear focus. But I haven't been writing much, so this is kind of making up for that. In a way, I'm happy to say that so far I've been doing more drawing than writing. Writing comes easily enough to me, but art is something I love, and have to work a little more at. But fortunately, my art class is a great environment for that.

I feel accomplished in a sense because I was able to channel my emotions about something and speak to the person about it very effectively. But still forcefully. This skill often evades me because usually when something upsets me, I let it take over me. I don't want to confront it, I'd rather sit back and let the tears fall (now thats dramatic huh) But this time, I grabbed the bull by the horns and talked about it, as I said, very effectively.

Nerd Day was a success, in my mind. I was happy to see that some people really got into it. It's always fun to dress up. And if you're debating gettin all decked out, or even flat out refusing to, just remember: it's one day a year. you might as well. So I hope to see everyone dressed up for the last two days of homecoming week!!
My nails are currently painted homemade aqua (i mixed food coloring with white nail polish) there was a really great Tyra on, I finally finished that unecessary english assignment, and all I have left to do is to study for a 34-question global test on the Enlightenment. I'm really dreading gym tomorrow, but as I have done in the past, I find something to look forward to. For tomorrow its the possibility of getting our chocolate, no jazz band, hopefully no homework and more doughnuts in English! =)

Sophomore: wise fool

so today marks the end of the second day of sophomore year. I can tell you right off the bat that my second day was so much better than my first. I'm not really sure I got so overwhelmed. Most years, I do get overwhelmed, but nothing like what I felt at the end of 8 periods worth of course syllabases. I mean, I had no lunch last year, but my classes are more challenging than last year. Significantly more challenging than last year. I noticed that every year you enter a new grade, you look back on your most recent year of school, and it seems so easy and carefree, even if it wasnt while you were in that grade. I have to admit, though, I had a relatively easy freshmen year. looking back, there was not this huge jump from 8th to 9th grade, a very small transition period, and i had so much fun! of course, i had my trials and tribulations like everyone, but in retrospect, i was living such a good life in freshmen year. i went to almost all the dances, band was fun because of all the people (who are now gone) cedar point was one of the crowning memories of my young life, i had john kolesar/evan mason for eye candy, i loved almost all my teachers, gym was a blast, art was a blast, i went on so many field trips. freshmen formal was incredible, i hung out with my friends a lot. I could go one, but i think you get the idea.
this year just doesnt give off that vibe. now don't get me wrong, i wasnt expecting this year to be a walk in the park. it shouldnt be. but it was a jarring transition for me and my outlook, on the first day especially, was very bleak. it was like the "play hard" half of the "work hard, play hard" phrase was missing. Or maybe it was just the fact that i had to walk home in the 90 degree sun after not having eaten for 6 hours. But I'm going to stop whining and tell you, objectively, about my first day.
English seems like a great course. mariel had ms. insinger also and had mostly negative things to say about her, but to me, she seems like a sweet person. she obviously has an appreciation for the english language and writing in general, and she seems thoroughly qualified to teach that class. a few of my classmates: jess <3, christian, nina, mark joanow, pierre francois, suzanne, erin, miggy etc. My art class is intensive, to say the least. our teacher, ms. witko, is obviously an excellent, experienced artist. we have legit homework in that class and will be bogged with projects. however, since art is a release for me, the focused work will be good. ms. witko seems nice, but strict. not to mention gorgeous. seriously, she could be a model. some of my classmates: becky, sara giarrtano, sam madden, aafia etc. gym is STUPID i hate gym. honestly, i hate it. today was my first day of it and its awful. i generally dont have a problem with gym. take last year: gym was my favorite class of the day. but this year its absolutely awful. the only person i know in that class is paul barone. and nothing against paul but hes literally the only person i know. argghh. band is, well, band. it obviously stinks w/o all the seniors. but i'm having fun so far and its probably the best class of the day. except that i tried practicing just now and it went horribly. so thats enough of that. some classmates: nerds. chemistry wasnt bad the first two days. today we actually got into some course work, talking about matter and stuff (why matter matters lol thanks mr. piasick) and although its gonna be dry and math-heavy, i think i can get through it. now a word in my defense: i heard rumors that mr. piasick was hot (ahem my sister ahem) and i refused to believe it, or accept that i too, would fall into his gorgeous, blue-eyed trap... SEE?? there i go. hes hot. hes pretty much in the gorgeous category. i hope that doesnt affect my grades (hehe) some classmates: jess, erin, orionne, christina, julia, russel broere, mark joanow etc. math i cant say much about because i dont want to say that its "not bad" and then have to eat my words later. but i'm going to agree with jess and say that mrs. wittenberg doesnt have much of a personality. i blame it on her math brain. so far we're just doing review, and im enjoying having math 6th period as opposed to first thing in the morning. some classmates: jess, kerianne, chrisitan, paul, schenkman, christina, caroline etc. you know how i said that band was my favorite class? well, global most defenitely comes in second. mr. o'connor is a leprachuan, as mariel so accurately puts it. he loves to talk about his music, his sports, his family, everything! we had a great discussion today about freedom of speech and believe it or not, he actually appreciates intelligent statements! ok, so they're not on the level of a rauschenbach discussion, but maybe they'll get there as the year goes on. he wears glasses, has a temper and lets us eat in class. some classmates: chritina (are you seeing a patern here?) elly, cheyenne, schenkman, davidta, suzanne, erin, nina etc. and to finish off the day with a hot classroom and more than a dash of french. wow. on the first day, you should have seen my face in that class. i was about to cry. not that what she was saying was so scary, just that it was COMPLETELY IN FRENCH. please dont misinterpret me: i knew this was coming. i had heard from over 1,000 sources that you cant understand her. that she goes on tangents. that her english is horrible. its different when you're sitting in her class and shes addressing you. now not to toot my own horn, but from growing up with a french-speaking mother, i understand spoken french very well. i understood 99% of what madame was saying, with accurate grammar and everthing. its when i have to speak or write, thats when it becomes a problem. shes a very very sweet lady. her accents adorable and you kinda want to give her a hug. so its not her personality that intimidates me. its her expertise of the language that kinda stops me in my tracks. but as i found out today, she does not expect us all to be on her level. she is great with helping people out. she even encourages us to whisper help to a classmate who is having trouble verbally answering a question. and shes so flustered and confused that its becoming increasingly difficult to be afraid of her.
this was, believe it or not, a brief overview of my school day. i am proud to say that by 4:00 my homework was completed, i took a call for baby-sitting and i pitifully attempted to practice. i now have the tyra show, dinner, a shower and sleep ahead of me.

please comment!!

The world is led not by the example of our power, but by the power of our example

(loosely translated excerpt from former president Bill Clinton's speech)

For young Americans, for any Americans that is, to say that they are not interested in politics, that they don't want to get involved in politics, radiates laziness, and fear of controversy. It's not a question about choosing a party, whether that be the republican party, the democratic party, or my personal favorite, the green party. It is a question about being informed. And watching the Democratic National Convention, I felt just that. Our country is so far from perfect, it sometimes seems silly to think that we will ever be reformed and respected as we once were. And I am not one who puts all my hope in Barack Obama. That's like putting one battery in a device that needs 8 and hoping it will work. But I do have hope.

I still stand firm in my belief that Hilary Clinton would have make an excellent president. Nevertheless, Obama did make quite an impression with his speech on Thursday night. And along with other speakers, his VP Joe Biden included, the party made a statement. Sure there were cliches, mudslinging, and over-used statements that go hand in hand with politics. But overall, the excitement of the night made for some good old fashioned American pride.

It's all coming to a close

So i didn't continue that post about the concert. I think most of you heard about it verbally anyway. So i feel i can close that chapter. Next up is my vacation, which was absolutely incredible. For those of you who have never experienced the powerful beauty of Niagra Falls, well, I don't feel I can properly do it justice for you. The sheer force with which the water barrells over the rock is startling and sometimes frightening. 750,000 gallons of water, or something like that, crashes over the falls a second. Now tell me that isn't awe-inspiring. The fact that nature can create something so powerful, so graceful, so incredible knocks every human inventor off their pedestal. I think we saw the falls from every angle, at every time of day. When i say the falls, i mean the combination of the three "seperate" falls. They're all in the general vicinity, of course. There are the american falls which, clearly, are on the american side of the river. There are the horseshoe falls which are technically on the candaian side, but in actuality, they span both sides. They are named so because, well, they form a horseshoe. and last but not least are the bridal falls which are small, in comparison, to the two others. we were able to view these falls from a small, lush island. of course, the ground surrounding the falls is so fertile because its constantly saturated with fresh water (the water that goes over the falls comes from all 5 of the great lakes) The popular way to view the falls is from the passenger boat, the Maid of the Mist. we were planning to join the throngs of tourists clamouring to be misted by the waters of the horseshoe falls. but instead we found whats known as cave of the winds. The name leads you to think that you'll be exploring a cave. however, this is not the case. It used to be a cave, almost behind the falls, but this cave collapsed years ago. instead, you are given a poncho and foam sandals (extremely stylish, as you can imagine) and they take you down 17 stories in a hand-tooled elevator to the bottom of the falls. If you can imagine, the view is somehow even more spectacular than the view when you are level to the falls. This is due to the fact that you are looking up at the falls, crashing seemingly onto you. you are right at the level where the water from the falls hits the river. so naturally, you get a little wet. but this is nothing compared to the hurricane deck, aptly named, as you are experiencing conditions that mimick a level 3 hurricane. just as a point of reference, hurricane katrina was a level 5 hurricane. so ultimately? you get soaked. through the poncho and all. basically, you are receiving the full force of the falls, deflected only by a large rock. its awesome =)


so that was some, but not alll, of our vacation. as a side note, i thought i was excited to go back to school but then i dropped my course change form off at the high school and suddenly, i wasnt so excited anymore

And I know we get a little crazy

Dealing with an absolute tragedy has been draining and of course, very saddening. So, I don't want to post about it. Instead, while I'm waiting for pictures to upload, I'd like to relate my first concert experience. For those of you who don't really need to know, you can stop reading at any time =)

We were originally planning to leave early, but that didn't work out. By early i mean hit the road by 11. instead we left around 2:30-3:00. As we got closer to our exit on the highway, the normal stream of cars began to thicken. and before we knew it, there was a visible line leading up to exit 104. many cars bore messages such as "honk if you love the jonas brothers" or "happy birthday joe" or "future mrs. nick jonas." Needless to say, we knew we were on the right track.

The road leading up to the venue was...interesting. The country sections of it were beautiful, full of rolling green hills, huge meadows and even a lake. but the places along the way were kinda sleezy. once we turned onto the actual road to the concert venue, the excitement really picked up. parking was surprisingly hassle free. once we found a place on the grass, we started off to the stage. since it was our first time there, there was a lot of picture taking. we passed through the first gate, saw the new woodstock museum, passed through the bag check, and the ticket check. unbeknownst to us, we were not allowed in with anything larger than a piece of paper. which meant we'd have to surrender our posters, which was a total bummer. however, we got through, bought a t-shirt and saw caitlin meehan =) we continued walking along until we encountered a massive crowd/line. turns out, the guys were still in sound check so the gates to the stage weren't open to the public yet. once they opened, people charged like antelope on the serengeti. i'm aware that was an unecessary comparison.

i don't think we were prepared for the amount of people that were attending this concert. getting past people was like wading through mud. and we had to get past all the people that had lawn seats and down to our pavillion seats. but we made it, being the troopers we are, and found our seats no problem. we were SO excited. but that's assumed. the seats began to fill up as oldies songs blasted through the speakers. the stage was all set up, with demi lovatos drum set taking center stage.

we were innocently sitting in our seats, mariel and I, when girls started screaming. a few girls started running down to the back parking lot, and all of the sudden it was a stampede: the doors of the tour bus had opened. don't ask me how we did it, but mariel and i got right up to the front of the crowd. we were literally smashed against the metal fence. the whole crowd held their breath. all of the sudden, a fedora appeared from behind the bus door. the girls went insane. that's an understatement. if you had taken a general pulse of all the girls, it would have been extremely unhealthy. joe was followed by nick and then kevin and finally big rob. seeing them in person is so surreal. you forget that they're real live people. you see them on TV and see pictures of them all the time, but seeing them live is a whole other ball game. they were rushed in, of course, but joe had time to give the crowd a wave. i could see hearts stop.

we eventually made our way back to our seats, chattering madly the whole time. once demi took the stage, the crowd fired up again. she sang a few songs that were pretty good but no one really knew. she got a robust applause regardless. especially when she asked if we were ready for the jonas brothers.

turns out, it was about an hour wait before we GOT the jonas brothers. the rumor was that they were celebrating joe's 19th birthday. another rumor was that taylor swift, joe's rumored girlfriend, had arrived. we joined the crowd that ran down to try to see her, but no one appeared. for the record, she did appear right before the boys went on. cute =)

so we waited and waited. people frequently tried to start "jonas" chants. i complained to mariel about how the jonas brothers were being divas. but finally FINALLY, the stage blacked out; the show was about to begin. now i could go on to describe their entrance, but it would not do it justice. i did, however, take a video. ask me about it =) i'm going to finish this later. stay tuned!

don't forget to hold back your thoughts and live like robots

good afternoon! i feel like i'm a public speaker addressing an empty room....

anyway, i don't have much to say. I'm actually gonna go eat lunch soon.

BUT the latest news is:

- mariel got a car! 2004 ford focus. dark grey. very cute.

- i went to cedar crest with jess and it was incredible, as always. elderly people are amazing

- i miss jess who is at pennsic having an amazing time =)

- i miss elly who is at NEMC being amazing

- i miss kerianne who is...at her house. and i even saw her today..

- there are 11 days til the concert!!!!!!!!!!!!

- I'm kinda excited for school....dreadful, i know

- the golden compass is an excellent book

I have more to say!

Woah this has gotta be a record. Two posts in a row!! Well, it's either boredom or i have a really interesing life...I'm going with the first one. So anyway, I'd like to inform you all of a new crush:





ta-da! the lovely emile hirsch. This is not to say that he is just eye candy. He is an incredible actor (all the more reason for the crush) For those of you that have seen Into the Wild (if not, I strongly suggest you do) you've seen his talent as an actor. He was also in Speed Racer and a few other movies. Apparently he was in Sabrina the Teenage witch?? Don't remember that...and he had an article in the November issue of Teen Vogue. Now you know.

Summer!

I have decided to blog, even though it is just one post, purely for the spontaneity of it. I hate to say it, but facebook has been dominating my internet life. Among many other excuses as to why I haven't blogged in a few centuries. But summer is progressing along quite well. Ugh that sounds depressing. Ok. How about....I've been having a really great summer AND WILL CONTINUE TO FOR A LONGG LONGG TIME. Just so that it doesn't seem like its ending. Or even getting close. The fourth of july was amazing, the 5th of july was even better, as it ususally is. I went swimming today, played tennis, ate an omlette and some ice cream, watched TV, read a little bit, took a walk with michelle, swam with michelle and have been in my bathing suit all day: one of the perks of warm weather. The next few weeks? hmmm what's in store: i have to return my library books on wednesday...how about something more interesting...i may be going hiking tomorrow with Jenn and Kerianne, hopefully I'll be having a sleepover with erin, suzanne, kerianne and danielle, i most defenitely will be crying my eyes out when Kerianne leaves on Satuday =( and lets see....in the more distant future, I have about 10 books left to read on my, well, my list of books to read. I have three sets of books going: 1) books i have to read for school 2) books i have to read for battle of the books and 3) books i am reading for my own pleasure. I'm sure it is becoming increasingly obvious that I have been doing a lot of reading. Ok, back to the distant future. July 17th is Mariel's birthday (car time!!!! no more bus yesssssss) July 23rd is national MCR day, for which i will be celebrating quite intensely, I have the legendary battle of the books on August 13th, which we WILL WIN (dream team: mariel, kerianne and I) and thennnn (drumroll please) the JONAS BROTHERS CONCERT (august 14th- save the date) which i will be attending with Ms. Keay-Golyakovsky and my dear, darling sister. We will be making GIANT posters which range from "Nick J is off the chain" to "kevin, will you go to senior prom with me?" that one is all mariel. Expect to see us moshing our way through screaming flocks of ten year old girls and/or bottling demi lovato. In between those events, I will be partying (lol), reading until my eyes fall out of my head, writing a couple of essays, swimming and volunteering. call anytime! <3

how time flies!

I seriously forgot I even had a blog! I guess that comes with the territory of being an obsessive facebooker. just as a little catch-up (ketchup ahhahaha) my life is going pretty well. The weather is beautiful again, just in time for my two fieldtrips, i have my dress and shoes for formal, all i need is earrings, the speaking part of my french final is out of the way (9/10) and im pretty darn excited about my field trips, formal and cedar point!!!!!!!!!!!!

one day at a time

I would like to think that you guys are still reading my posts. Even though you're not commenting. But I can't really say anything cause I never comment anyone elses. But I really have nothing exciting to say. I'm basically counting down the days until spring break. I have a bad case of spring fever and I'm trying not to let it affect my work, but after a certain point, theres really nothing much I can do.

I presented my french project today. It went really well. Most people's took about 5 minutes...ours took about 35. But Merritt loved it. and I love Shane. Because his video was amazing. and I wish he would put it on YouTube. But anyway, we now started on our research project for english. I need an "influential" person to research (could the subject be less specific?) does anyone have any ideas? please tell me if you do

I am really looking forward to not going to school Thursday. Even though Thursday night will consist of me studying for the 3 tests I have on Friday....exciting.

I spent about 20 minutes laying outside in the sun earlier, and its amazing what a little Vitamin D does for the soul. It was so peaceful. Only me, my thoughts, and a gorgeous little bird. and some cats =) Then I watched the papal visit, which was pretty amazing. They were broadcasting live from the military airport.

So now I have some global homework, I have to practice for NYSSMA, take a shower, think of a birthday present for Courtney, and watch american idol. and throw some dinner in there somewhere.

p.s. cool side note: the title of this blog was from a song i was listening to, but it worked out to fit the content of the post.

sdjbgjaf

I'm all out of titles. I'm also all out of insight, so don't expect any from me. Instead, I will try to recount my recent activities as best as I can. I went out to eat and then to Cinderella last night wth Becky, Elly and Cheyenne. We had a goooood time. The show was pretty good! The energy was low, and I couldn't help but compare everything to DiLeo's way of doing it, now that I have the experience. But I enjoyed it. There were defenitely people who stole the show.... =)

This morning, I woke up to the most gorgeous day since last spring. I just had to check the temperature....and it was 75 degrees!!! It actually got too hot to stay outside for a long time. I loved it. There are flowers in front of my house that are completely in bloom. Gorgeous, full, sweet-smelling blooms. I mainly worked on my french project all day, of course taking breaks to revel in the weather. For the rest of the night I will be reading, eating dinner and watching Sweeney Todd. Oh, and trying to contain my excitement for Florida =)))

"Some weather we're having..."

Though is is often used as an obvious conversation starter when grappling with what to say, in this case, I feel it perfectly acceptable to speak about the weather. In the "heat" of the day, it must have gotten up to about 70, because it's now about 65. As we all observed, it was rainy and muggy for the good part of the day. But as of a little while ago, all the moisture has burned off, leaving a beautiful setting sun, interfaced with a sporadically placed breeze. I'm fortunate to be able to experience this beauty from my own backyard, and of course I took the opportunity. Just to stand out there for a few minutes, I felt so at peace with the beauty of the natural world. I hope you all appreciated the gorgeous weather this evening.....APRIL FOOLS. But not really.

FINALLLYYYYY!!!!!!!

ahhhhh sweet victory. WE ACTUALLY GOT TICKETS! TO AN ACTUAL JONAS BROTHERS CONCERT!!! WITH THE ACTUAL JONAS BROTHERS!!!!....not that we've gone to any impersonation concerts...but anyway, we tried to get them for madison square garden, but people bought them up so fast, there was no way we were getting tickets. so THEN we tried their other concert in NY, which is in Bethel new york, on august 14...and we got them!!!! so me, mariel and becky are going...im so excited!!!


wish you were coming, jess = (

Hey Kids

So just for the sake of keeping up, this is my post for the day. I'm getting kind of sick of the layout, so, uh, just a heads up ; ) I'm drained from the band concert, but I'm SO excited to go to cedar point. I had at least 3 techno dance parties last night. which is probably a record. the last one, with elly in the lobby without shoes, was pretty epic. I have a band party tomorrow, along with 3 quizzes and a test.




I'm getting tickets on saturday for a jonas brothers concert!!!!!!!!!!


homework time

This is the day the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad

...it was stuck in my head. and maybe for a reason. Because even if you're not a Christian, you hear it everywhere, and in looking out at this gorgeous morning, it rings so true. Especially for yesterday. My Easter was a beautiful time of happiness, reflection and candy. and I feel the balance was very good. My Easter always starts Saturday night because we go to the Easter Vigil. and even though its two and a half hours long and it is sometimes hard to stay focused (i think i examined every hair on my head) I did try to pay attention for most of it. And what I got out of it was so spectacular. Just the feeling of reverence and faith within the church was inspiring. Because I will say that our parish is not always the dedicated bunch. But there was such a feeling of peace and joy that filled the church. Especially when all the lights were put out, leaving every parishiner holding their softly-glowing candle. It was beautiful. Also, about 5 adults were confirmed and baptized into the church. That was amazing. Because to find God later in life is much more difficult. Your brain is already hard-wired to focus on work and family. And to be able to find God through all the stress is very commendable.

So after a long but beautiful service, the mood was set for a beautiful Easter. The morning was a little cold, but the sky was stunning and the sun was out. We got our candy, of course, and I think I already ate about half of it. We went to my aunt's house, which is a really nice home in North Caldwell, NJ. It was so beautiful and happy. My grandparents, us, my aunt and uncle, my cousin and my godfather were there. My aunt and uncle got a new dog, a german sheperd mix named Logan. He's adorable. So we ate a lot of good food, saw some wild turkeys on the lawn (...) and celebrated Easter in a really nice way.

Now I'll probably go eat some more candy.

A Moment of Reflection

We can all complain about how this spring break is too short (we have another one, you know) but really, if we think about why we have off in the first place, it doesn't seem quite so pointless.
This is such a beautiful time. It's a time of appreciation for what Jesus did for us. Look around. Think of everyone you know. I'm sure there are many people you can think of that you don't like. I'm sure there are many more that you don't love...so why would you die for them? Jesus did. Or even next time you say you love someone. Really look at them, and ask yourself "would I die for this person?" It's one of the most difficult things to do...also the most powerful.

It's easy enough to get caught up in the candy and the family and the pretty dresses. But it's much more meaningful and more fulfilling to get caught up in Jesus.



More poorly expressed insight soon to come. =)

ahhhh i love this keyboard!!

I really have nothing of substance to say but i felt I needed to post because i am currently typing on THE most awesome keyboard in the world. It's my dad's and its like a laptop keyboard. His new computer as a whole is amazing. It's flat screen but really wide. It's a mac, of course, and it has a computer built into the monitor. It has a REMOTE and it's the fastest computer i've ever used. It's so amazing. so thats basically it but now im so addicted to this keyboard. and since im probably boring you im going to find another activity where i can type. ok im gonna leave now....im about to hit publish post...soon ill be gone. wow this is so addicting. even the sound the keys make when you hit them, ok. im really gonna leave now..bye. i love you. theres nothing else to write! ahhhh ok...im gone...now. bye!

Flirting is Mandatory

I found that on a chocolate wrapper...

Anyway, we're officially on spring break #1. It's so nice to have nothing to do. Especially in comparison to the whirlwind of activity that's been dominating my life (drama.) Speaking of which, I never fully recounted the experience. I've already digested it, I've spoken about it and it's pretty much sunken in that its over. I squeezed every last drop out of it that i could, and I've been thinking about all the meanings and lessons of the show itself. So I won't burden you with too much, but I'll just say this: as a whole, the show received a lot of criticism. Mainly from othere show people. But I can tell you that as audience members, you can't fully appreciated the enormity of the show that we took on. DiLeo purposely diverted away from the sugar-coated musicals that everyone is used to (i.e. Hairspray, Grease etc.) He was sending a clear message with this show. And I feel for those who didn't understand. It's such an incredibly deep show. Not only should you see it multiple times, but it requires so much post-viewing reflection in order to truly understand the concepts. It reveals the human condition and it teaches so many hard-hitting life lessons. Just by listening to the intricate lyrics, you can grasp the depth and beauty of the show. For those of you that saw it, I hope it meant something to you. Because I know it left me with so much.


Reverting to a totally different topic, I've picked my favorites for American Idol (I know, you can cheer now) And here they are:

Basshunter <3

I LOVE swedish techno. This is basshunter and he is amazing. That's all

Show #3

I'm about an hour away from call. I'm so psyched. It has been amazing putting on this show. The work, the costumes, the cast. Without using every cliche in the book, I'm gonna miss it terribly.
Now I have to shower, do my hair and then head out. Thanks to everyone who came last night. I hope you liked it!!

National History Day 2008

"It's not just a day, it's an experience" That couldn't have been more true. It certainly was "an experience." Day, experience, whatever you want to call it, here's how it went:

I woke up at 5:30 AM. It was drizzling, though you couldn't really tell because it was still dark. I got up, put the snacks in a bag, ate breakfast, then went upstairs to change. I was planning to update my ipod, but at the last minute, it decided to erase all my songs. So I had less than an hour to import over 400 songs...better get started! From there, I re-straightened my hair which, not to my surprise, had curled up literally overnight. That took me a while, obviously. It was now about 6:15. I got dressed really fast: the bus was supposed to be leaving at 6:45. I didn't even have time to put my make-up on. I just threw everything in a bag and urged my mom along, who was also getting ready. She followed up on her wish to be a judge. We left the house at about 6:40. It was crunch time at this point. We raced through the wet, empty streets to pick up Marc-Anthony. Yeah. It was that dramatic.

We got to the school at literally 6:46. The bus was still in the parking lot. Thank goodness. Everyone was already on it at this point. Minor detail. Except for Mr. Rauschenbach. We were finally packed and ready to go. We pulled out of the parking lot, the rain already drenching the windows.

Assuming that there weren't any good eigth graders to talk to (boy were we wrong), we turned our attention to catching up with Mr. Rauschenbach. Which is always fun. I love that man. Best teacher ever. Of course we were talking to Justin Lapidus...or, rather, he was talking to us. He NEVER stops talking. But I love him. The anticipation mounted as we turned into the parking lot of St. Thomas Aquinas. All the old memories came flooding back. Especially when Mr. R relayed his "there are 25 of you and one of me" speech. We went in and stood on a rather long line to register. I hope you know I'm leaving some things out that really aren't important (<3) Then we went back out to the bus and unloaded all our things. They were all safe and sound in the bag. Or so we thought. As Mr. Rauschenbach was looking through all the process papers/bibliographies, we realized we didn't have ours. We began asking if anyone had laptops. We got a few responses but then realized we had nowhere to print them out. We had no choice but to go in and set up our project without them.

The exhibits were in the same place as last year but this time we had a terrible location. It was in the corner. Literally. We couldn't even fit it on the table, which was what we were going to do originally, because the ceiling was too low. But the exhibit looked pretty impressive. We then explained our process paper dilema to Rausch and he made a few suggestions. Ultimately, Kerianne called her dad to ask him to bring them all the way here. The whole 45 minute ride. he nobly agreed and we were saved. With that out of the way, we were off to size up the competition. They were pretty impressive. There were many more junior exhibits than seniors and we enjoyed looking at them, with topics ranging from gay rights to china's economy. The few senior exhibits we saw were EXTREMELY professional looking. Almost to the point where you would question their authenticity. It was stiff competition. We returned to our exhibit, where we had a sizable crowd of admirers, including some of Rausch's kids. We ended up talking to them and we met some really...nice kids =) We didn't have long to wait until the judged arrived. With the normal introductions and signatures out of the way, we stepped back and allowed them to look over our project. They asked a few questions which we answere very well, in my opinion. The male judge's only scrutiny was that he didn't like that we didn't have a concrete compromise, although we explained the situation well. Still without the process papers, we said that the fourth member of our group had a "family emergency" and that she had the process papers. They bought it and we bought ourselves some extra time. They walked away looking pleased.

We then had some downtime. Kerianne and Marc-Anthony played cards, we ate, I read and we chilled with the kids from Rausch's class. That was really fun. The process papers eventually made it and we were able to present them to the judges. In what seemed like no time, we were able to go over to the awards ceremony. However, we made a detour to investigate reports of ghosts in the girls bathroom....Anyway, we found some seats, I met my dad, and we proceeded to wait. And boy did we wait. Finally, the judges processed into the gym and the ceremony got under way. We listened as names were called and high-acheving youth stepped forward to accept their medals, symobls of their hard work and knowledge. I guess you could say they saved the best for last. They FINALLY got to senior group exhibits. After sizing up the competition, all we could hope for was third. And when they didn't call our named 3rd, we knew we were out of luck. As the ceremony came to a close and parents flocked to their precious winners, we looked around, severely disappointed. The general thought was "we wasted 6 months of our lives for nothing. Which is true. We walked back to the slowly thinning crowds of the exhibit hall and dismantled our project in a very melancholy manner. We walked to the bus in the rain and sat down in the cold, sticky seats that smelled like wet Doritos. Our moods were lifted by the bus ride, however. Like I said, the kids we met were lots of fun.

Back at the school, the kids packed up and got into their respective cars. I went home with Kerianne and we proceeded to recount and reflect on the "experience" of the day. Complete with ranting about the...nice kids we met =)

The day was not lost. We had a lot of fun, we gained valuable experiences, and we were able to see what it takes to suceed in the senior division. We won't be back next year, but who knows? Maybe someday....

You pop the trunk, I pop the hood

The most popular hairstyle today, hands down, was wet and up in a bun. I can't say anything because that's how I'm going to be wearing my hair everyday when I'm swimming. Its interesting because its a very exposing experience for some girls. Their hair isn't perfect, their make-up is smugged. It's neat because its like stripping them down to the bare minimum. I'm not even going to try to make myself look presentable after swimming. Not that I do anyway ; )
Things are going pretty well in all other aspects. Drama is consuming my life and I love it. Friday we're getting costumes =) I'm gonna miss it the years I don't do drama. Because I defenitely can't do it everyear.

I'm excited for

- the band trip
-swimming (surprisingly)
-NHD
-Pippin

and, in the near future, America's Next Top Model. Every once in a while I like making lists like this because it helps me to realize how much I have to look forward to.
Hopefully we'll have a bout of good weather coming up.

and hopefully I'll have my best friends tomorrow. It was so lonely without them =( <33

Concise, to the point.

I'll try not to make it too long. I have so much junk to do anyway.

Just wanted to comment on how ridiculously fast this year is going. We have one more chapter to cover in french before we know everything we need to know for the final, we already have our schedule for next year, and my two main activities, drama and NHD are almost over. I already have a dress for freshmen formal and I know where I'm going for spring break.

I hope I can keep up with the pace of things. I think I have so far.

Night!

Sick Day!

It was nice. I'm not gonna lie. Even though visions of taking the math test tomorrow swirled through my head, I had a really nice day...doing nothing. I watched the Notebook which is the most gorgeous love story ever. It's not overdone, it's not cheesy, it's just so sweet and poignant. I tried to sleep but my throat was scratchy and annoying. So i just listened to music and read. I got all my homework out of the way, in fact I think I'll do that science article soon. Today was really the only day I could stay home anyway because I was fortunate enough to have a day off from drama today. He had such a fit yesterday it was ridiculous. He literally said "the next person that makes a mistake is gonna be kicked out." I was so scared it was gonna be me. But i wasn't on stage too much yesterdat so I got to sleep for about 20 minutes. I'm excited to see how the show is gonna turn out, but we still have so much work ahead of us.
My cousin, who I was telling you about, is out of the hospital and home. It's really a miracle because the circumstances affected her survival rate, which was very frightening. My aunt and uncle have been visiting her in the hopsital. They were able to take her off the respirator, which is the reason she was able to go home. However, she still needs to go through counseling and therapy, because while in the hopsital, she took off her pump again. It's clear that she won't be able to finish her semester at college and we're unsure what will happen after she graduates. That's figuring she'll be healthy enough to graduate.

Of Pop's concert and snow

The title sums up the recent news. As you all well know by now, from having used your keen sense of observation, it is snowing. The way the news was broken to me that we had a snow day this morning? By asking me if I wanted to do my math homework. I got home about 9:45 from the Pop's concert and of course was in no mood to take on the strenuous math homework that had to be done by 7:10 the next morning. So my mom proposed that if we had school the next day, I could wake up a little earlier and do my homework then. So 5:30 came around and my mom woke me up by asking if I wanted to get up and do my homework. Of course i said no. (well, i might have said "oh" i was a little groggy) but then my mom went on to day that I didn't have to cause there was no school! good one mom.
Now we're going to go back in time slightly to last night. Last night was the anual Pop's concert. The concert started at 7. Our call was 6:15. Ok, so far so good. We got out of drama at 5:30. That's when it falls apart. I got out of there as soon as DiLeo finished his deathly speech about memorizing lines, snow days and sets, and made a quick pit stop at Kerianne's. Turns out she needed her straightener more than I did...So I came home (it was about 5:45 by now) and I had to get right into my dress. It defenitely makes things a lot easier, that dress, because you don't have to pick out something to wear, no one says anything when you wear the same thing to every concert and you don't have to worry about looking dumb cause everyone's wearing the same thing. After the usual struggle, I finally coaxed my hair into some decent looking curls and put my make-up on while trying to eat something. I hadn't really eaten anything since 5th period. My last meal was breakfast. We were finally out of the house. But on the way there, literally a minute away, I get a call from Kerianne. The jazz band folder was missing...again. And jazz was on first. So as soon as I got there, we looked so hard for the folder and we were about to ask Persad for original copies when Eric found our folder in the cage room. Order was restored to the great land. The concert progressed really well after that. Jazz band kicked butt, it don't mean a thing didn't crash too hard, the meistersingers sounded really good, orchestra...well, they kind of fell apart on the second song, but the typewriter one was amazing, concert band was ridiculous and apparently the saxaphones missed their entrance in John William's Trilogy, but we love them anyway. and finally (drum roll please) Lincoln Portrait. The set up was good: Harlem Nocturne went really well. And Lincoln Portrait followed suit, save an unplanned tuba solo. Dr. Reinhart, due to the novel technology of a microphone, didn't have to scream so much, and the audience only flinched slightly at her mispronunciation of "escape." I thought, overall we sounded pretty good. And I guess Mr. Persad did too. He was all smiles. Of course, the night concluded with the presentation of flowers. Oh and our guest artist (tom christensen/spiderman) rocked the house.
To conclude my unecessarily long post, it's still snowing, I have nothing to do, and we have 2 stinkin weeks til NHD.

oh. and p.s., in case you were wondering, my John Kolesar rose is still in good health =)

One last minute of freedom before we're back to school

The weather today did not contribute to my efforts to stop thinking about spring. Not that I have any founded objections to school. In fact, I really enjoy it. But who isn't ready for spring break? Unfortunately, we have a few weeks. And not for lack of things to do. My next few weeks are over flowing with commitments. I found consolation in the discussion about going to Florida today =) I really want to go. I would go on April 20th I think. Anyway, I have a global test to study for and a comfy bed waiting.

Pictures

My heart's all over the world tonight

I just spent two days in Jersey (the ghetto as meghan calls it) and it was really nice. I'd never want to live there, but I love seeing my grandparents. We actually went down there to go to the garden state plaza, which is the best mall ever, to get my sister a prom dress =) that mall is RIDICULOUS. You know how in our mall when you walk down the central hallway and get to the end, thats the END? yeah well, in this mall, you think you're at the end and there are about three more subdivisions of hallways. It's ridiculous. EVERYTHING is designer except like macy's. They have a lacoste store, a coach store, abercrombie (not designer, but an upgrade from our mall. i hate abercrombie) they're getting a michael kors store (omg) and juicy couture. It's insane. Theres also this adorable little hippy store called free people that is insanely expensive. a little cotton shirt with embroidery was $118. anyway; dresses. We decided to go w/ macy's cause jessica mcclintok is so expensive. like every other store. My sister didn't want a long dress cause everyone gets long dresses and she's way too short. So she found this really cute off-white dress with a gold/white lace bodice. its a bubble dress! and then i decided to look for formal dresses and i found this incredible red dress. it's fitted and strapless and it has silver roses on it. i also found this really pretty dress for Harvest Queen next year (it was on sale for $30!) and that is SO gorgeous too. I have pictures on my phone, but i can't get them on the computer. so I'm basically set for the next two years. the rest of my weekend is busy, but uneventful. If that makes sense.

Perfect. in Every way

ok, I take it back. I LOVE valentine's day. but not for the usual reason. I had so much fun tonight. with my friends. It was amazing. We were just laughing at everything and staring a lil' bit. He's incredible. And for once, i have an innocent, sans drama crush to which there is no anxiety attached. It's amazing. It's like what high school is supposed to feel like. I mean, he gave us roses!!!!!! voluntarily or not. We were presented with roses from the most coveted guy (senoir, no less) in high school. Honesly. If you ask any upperclassmen who the hottest guy is, you'll hear john kolesar. everyone tells me that. including my own sister. and we got roses from him!! best valentine's day ever. and i'm not stalking him! get over it.

Valentine's Day? psh

We had a snow day today, which was pretty awesome. It was gorgeous out. Everything was covered in ice, and so me and my brother and sister and I went outside and got soaking wet, but it was so pretty out in the field. Tomorrow is gonna be really nice cause then we're off again on Friday.

Valentine's Day is really a useless holiday. Not to be bitter or anything, but seriously, if we need a designated day to realize we love each other, than the world is in a sorry state. Yeah, sure, I guess it's pretty cute if you have a significant other, but still, then its just an excuse to buy cheesy gifts for them and waste money. It's become such a commercialized holiday that it is now devoid of any real meaning, and I think it's kind of a waste of time. Unless you're a prep and use it as an excuse to dress all in pink, you have a sweet tooth and you want all the candy, or you're a hard-core dater and will always have a boyfriend/girlfriend on valentine's day. So I'm really not doing anything for valentine's day (by choice) and to all who are, have fun!

Tomorrow I have drama and then, well, we're gonna have fun later =) I'm so excited!

Just some news..

My cousin is currently in the hospital due to complications involving her insulin pump. She is very diabetic and has struggled with her body image for years. She has even sunk in and out of depression and has been on anti-depressants. In the past, she has purposely removed her insulin pump in defience or because she wanted to lose weight. Just recently, while at school (she goes to college in massachusetts) her pump malfunctioned and she went without the proper amount of insulin for a few days. Whatever her motives were for not telling anyone that her pump wasn't working, the effects were grave. Her friend found her in her doorm room passed out, a few minutes before they were supposed to leave for class. She is now at the University of Massachussetts hospital on a respirator. Due to various medications she is on, they cannot tell if she has suffered any brain damage, but she did contract pneumonia from being on the respirator. She's been fading in and out of conciousness and my aunt and uncle have been keeping vigil with her. She has said that if it gets to the point where she has to have dialysis, she doesn't want to have to live like that. We're all obviously very worried and we're thinking about her, so please keep her in your prayers.

<3

You know you wanted to see them...

I think I'll blow my brains against the ceiling

That statement is a little too violent for my state of mind right now.

Hello to those who read my blog every once in a while! that wasn't supposed to be mean...or sarcastic. FYI.

So as of right now, i am currently re-kindling my love for my chemical romance. I mean, not that it ever died. I just haven't listened to them since the stone age.

I am OFFICIALLY ready for spring break. I don't even know why! It overcame me all of the sudden. We were driving to my grandma's house for the Super Bowl and I was thinking "yeah! vacation! road trip!" and we were in New Jersey...
My method is I ask about going to Florida over and over again until they say yes and then we go! its a simple equation...unlike those we're currently doing in math (or not doing in the case of me and kerianne) Everyone knows E= ocho cinqo.

Speaking of the Super Bowl, we all know the Giants won. You don't have to rub it in my face. It's not that I dislike the Giants, I've just always had a soft spot for the Patriots. Besides. they were going for a perfect season!!! Now they're going to have to start all over again. I don't feel that just because I live in New York, I'm obligated to root for New York teams. New York is so full of itself anyway. What's so great about New York? You tell me. Besides. New England is so much cooler. I have to say, I love Osi Uminyora and Bradshaw. Hes so tiny!!! I'm disappointed that they lost, but I'm not a hard core fan. You don't have to explain to me the Giant's epic defense...I saw it too.



Considering I don't have an agenda other than practicing Lincoln portrait, I don't really have to go. But I will anyway.

Favorite People

naasty K (6:43:34 PM): he'll be like "what creepy freshman to be obsessing over my hot, sexy body. i just can't help it"
naasty K (6:43:59 PM): and then he'll flash his million dollar smile and hike up his socks a little higher and prance in front of us to make us jealous

it just had to be documented somewhere.

naasty K (6:40:33 PM): in your perfect world, every other person would have the "windblown" look and wear tight pinstiped/checkered pants, depending on their mood

THAT TOO!!

i love kerianne

Happy Snow Day!

I don't know about you, but this snow day completely caught me off guard. I had no idea we were supposed to get any kind of bad weather. So I woke up this morning, got dressed, ate breakfast and waited for the bus. And when it was 6:50 and the bus still hadn't come, we took the intiative to check the website. the rest is history...

My day has been extremely low stress. I just woke up from a nap...I think that gives you some kind of idea. The landscape is beautiful. Every tree branch, every blade of grass is covered in ice. The trees in the distance look frosted. The effect is stunning. Now it's transitioned over into a warmer rain.

My sister and Annie are looking at prom dresses. I can't wait to shop with my sister!

Here are some party pictures:

I'm not gonna write you a love song

It's really a never ending cycle. You overcome some obstacles, and there are new ones, waiting. Antagonizing you with a continuous to-do list which you never seem to complete. But if that's part of life, which I know it is, then I'm ready for it. I know my posts can sometimes be monotonous and lengthy, so I'm sorry.

I'm in a relatively good place right now. Socially, academically, mentally and artistically. Well, I think there's some work that needs to be done on the artistic end of the spectrum. I lack the motivation. Or that's my guise anyway. What it really is, I don't know. I hope it is not the fact that I am suddenly destitute of my artistic abilities. Don't get me wrong. My art class is possibly my favorite class. It's the most creative and free I feel all day. But, whether do to the socially charged atmosphere or some other crazy figment of the universe, I don't feel like I'm getting the full experience out of it. And the blame lies all on me for that one. I am not putting everything into it and producing the most sincere end product that I can. Hopefully that can be resolved soon.

Aside from that, drama is going great. I'm so excited. The overall mood and perspective of the show this year is great. It's static. I can feel it. I'm really enjoying rehersals, and I'm having fun.

Friends: I can't ever really complain. I've got a great crop of friends. I haven't been plagued with spells of drama, which is nice (the bad kind) and I'm not fighting with anyone, so I'm really grateful for that.

So right now, I feel like I'm in an OK spot...borderline good. What would really improve my standings is spring. I already have spring fever, which is bad because i don't know how I'm going to handle the rest of february.

Let the world see what you have got

This feeling is unparalleled. Wow. I just used a math term..anyway, it's the best feeling ever to FINALLY be finished with the regents. we've been counting down for months and it's over. It really is. Except for finding out our grades, the whole regents concept is behind us. I finished the exam at about 12:40..that left me with 2 hours of sitting. It's amazing how the imagination wanders when the mind isn't engaged. I filled up both sides of my "straightedge" with doodles. Some of them were pretty cool, but the guy came around and stole it off my desk before I had a chance to put it away. I was basically daydreaming for an hour after I checked it over and everything. I was observing people (which is really interesting) and thinking about the most abstract things. It's really a very exposing feeling to watch everyone else but not know how you appear to them. You can't analyze yourself like that. We all look at people and analyze them: try to label them, see what they're thinking, try to figure out their motives. You know you do. But doesn't that leave you wondering what people say when they look at you? It's a complex thing to try to figure out. Also, it's bizzare to listen to your own thought process and know that everyone else in the room is taking the same test- i wonder what their thought process is. Again, just weird things I think about when I have down time. I also don't have the physical capacity to sit for that long. I honestly have trouble sitting still for more than 30 minutes. That's why during the day, its hard to sit through class periods. My back hurt so badly and my legs were basically twitching. It was annoying, especially when I was finished with the test and had checked it over at least 4 times. If I had to rate the difficulty of the test, I'd say maybe easy to moderate. It really wasn't anything I didn't know how to do and the problems were really straightforward. I think only two of the multiple choice got me stumped. But I can only wait to see the outcome...oh geez. But for the rest of the weekend, I vow that I'm not going to think about how I did, rather revel in the fact that its over. That's a really nice thought....