Explanation:

Rest assured, this generic background is not permanent. I was just getting so unbearably sick of the old one. So it will be coming! I just need someone relatively techy to explain to me how to change it...

And truth be told, I'm lying

hey everyone!

You know how there are points in your life when you realize something you've always known? Well, today was one of those days. the realization: we're all growing up. There are lessons to learned, situations to be experienced and responsibilities to be met. I've never wanted to grow up. I still don't. Because my idea of growing up is growing old, being weighed down by responsibility, not enjoying life, getting depressed. But I am determined to not get that way. After all, when you think of all the experiences we have ahead of us, how can you not be excited? My mom and I had a long and surprisingly productive conversation about college. Kinda mapping out my next two years in high school, without loading on the pressure. And a lot of things became clearer, in terms of how I want to execute my passions, whatever those passions may be. It's important to remember that we can do and be whatever we want to be. I know that's annoyingly cliche and you've heard it a million times, but it really is true. There's nothing holding any of us back. For those of you that have Ms. Insinger, the discussion about destiny really got me thinking. And after hearing story upon story of people of destitute backgrounds and severely limited means overcoming all obstacles and becoming not only successful, but happy, I believe even more firmly that the individual creates their own destiny. There is no guiding force that determines our future. That is up to us. I believe in God. Really, I do. Incredibly strongly. But it was He who gave us free will. For me, free will translates into us determining what we're going to do with what we're given. Going on that principle, an individual can accomplish whatever they put their mind to. That's truly inspiring to me.

I cannot predict what I will be doing 10 years from now. And I love it that way. All I know is that no matter how physically old I become, I will always be young at heart, and in spirit. And that's enough for me. Now I just can't wait to accomplish whatever I decide to accomplish. And yes, I will be the one deciding.


1) good music
2) fireplaces
3) tea
4) dark skies
5) poetry

What a beautiful thing!

After reading my sweetheart jess's blog, I am 100% joining in. I think thats a wonderful thing and i try to sometimes do it on my own, but its going to be great to get it all down in writing. I wish i had been home to start on thanksgiving day, but since there are reasons to be thankful everyday, now is as good a time as ever. so here goes:


1) my family, who fights a lot but always loves each other
2) my cozy house =)
3) my kitties
4) my health (not everyone can say the same)
5) my beautiful friends


my thanksgiving was really beautiful because i got to share it with my family. we're defenitely an odd bunch, but then again, every family has their quirks. my mom, mariel, julian and I went down wednesday to cook and help out our grandma. it was pretty rewarding to put everything on the table and know that we had helped. so we ate a lot, watched football, prayed and had fun.


i want to get that little icon thing that jess has so i can be all official. i hope everyone had a great thanksgiving and watched the jonas brothers. 'night!

We're all too small to talk to God

I've picked up on a slightly new outlook about myself as of lately. Brought on by nothing other than my own personal development, I've started to see all these little ups and downs as all part of a much, much bigger picture. I've always believed that as a philosophy, but now I'm subconciously putting it into play. As I'm going through a rough time, I'm able to project to future results and clearly focus on the actual severity of the issue. This causes my reactions to be much less intense. I realized a few years ago that one bad test grade is not the end of the world (I say this because before, I really did believe that a bad grade would make the world fall apart). As of this year, however, I really feel it. This is not to say that I don't care. Or that grades don't matter to me. But I am by nature a very emotionally reactive and pesimistic person. So this approach helps me to quell some unnecessary emotions. After all, in a few years even the biggest obstacles will be conquered road blocks. I still put my heart and soul into all worthy pursuits, but with a few less nerves and a lot more insight.

Ugh

I don't wanna go to school. But what else is new. Things could be worse! I'm running around looking for an outfit cause i actually have to go on the bus tomorrow so i can't spend time doing that in the morning. I have to take the bus cause my mom and my sister are currently in buffalo on a college visit at Canisius. They'll be back Monday evening. On my plate tomorrow is a vocab quiz, bagels in O' Connors =) and playing at the board meeting with the jazz band. I want musical rehersal to start!! which reminds me "murder takes the stage" was really good!

Live and Learn

two very important words that kind of summarize the past two stressful days. I've rehashed it so many times in my mind and I'm just point blank tired of thinking about it. I think, in retrospect, it was one of the greatest learning experiences I've had. It's funny how what I got out of the whole thing was bigger and more meaningful than the whole situation itself. I've learned to trust my instincts because they tend to be right. I've learned more about the people around me then I would have ever known. I realized how blessed my life is and how much I enjoy where I'm at right now, despite the obvious ups and downs. Because they seem to just contribute to the whole aura and the memories that I'm forming. I tend to do things for other people. I have this nasty habit of putting myself in the other person's shoes and acting from that. But this time I did what felt right, what made me happy. I wasn't selfish or cruel about it. I was real about it. I appreciate so much everyone that gave me even the tiniest bit of advice. Every little bit showed how much you care. Or at least pretend to ; ) Through this little ordeal I also learned how much of life I still have yet to live and how much I have yet to experience. Furthermore, I came to the conclusion that the relationships I have with my friends, family and God are the only ones I need and want right now.
So since the theme is "moving on," I want to move on to my life in the near future. I successfully finished my chemistry lab, I have study hall tomorrow to do my math in, "The Scarlet Letter" is staring me down, a book I plan to read but haven't had the patience to sit through for more than a few pages, I have jazz band tomorrow which, if i can scrounge up some money, will hopefully be followed by Hunan Wednesday, and apparently Taylor Swift's new CD is amazing. I had to start a new sentence cause I didn't want to be the culprit in a run-on sentence crime. I really want to watch a Charlie Brown movie tonight, Thanksgiving is in 15 days, which means Mark and Wayne are coming home! and I really hope I make drama because I'm soo excited to be in it. I have to take a shower now and help out with dinner. So expect another post in the next few days!