Binary Solo

Hey everyone! If a tree falls in the woods and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?....haha what a stupid question. I hate it. Anyway, I had a good day off. I slept over Jess's last night which was fun, as usual. I have a new favorite band <3 and I'm pretty happy! It seems like things are finally working out. But I'm not gonna say anything hastily and then regret it.

So I'm really looking forward to my birthday. I'll finally be like a normal age. Even if its just for a few weeks. Then I'm the baby again. I'm excited for Applefest and Jess's sweet 16 and Mariel (hopefully?) getting her liscense. Cross your fingers!

As expected, I'm really not excited to go back to school cause I have an annoying next three days. But I'll make it bearable somehow. Leave me a comment, or somethin.

Just a lil something for the ride =)

Essay writing is both a joy and tribulation in my life. If the task is clear and the reason for writing legitimate, I can write for pages and pages, whether I believe in the subject or not. But after a while, the well runs dry and I'm left with stale ideas, lame connecting sentences and a tired forearm. What does this relate to? I'll give you a hint: it's not the meaning of life. Nope, it's just the dozens of essays we have to write for english. Grrr I've never watched the clock so closely in my life. The prospect of sitting for 6 hours in June and writing 4 consecutive essays chills my blood. Although despite the complaning, the english regents will most likely be the easiest of the four regents exams that I'm taking at the end of this year. The joy and anticipation are overwhelming...

it's a love story, baby just say yes

Now you're all going to think I'm bipolar. So I apologize for the confusion. But little things can change your perspective, as we all know. Things like a nice long talk with mom <3 or seeing your beautiful best friends make it through their lives. Or maybe just small things to look forward to. Or maybe writing a really meaningful poem, or experiencing a refreshing release. For me, I was fortunate to experience all of these. And now I'm content, if not happy. I hate to generalize life, because although I'm still young, I've learned that life is an open-ended question. And each person has their own answer, whether they know it or not. I still predict this will be a rough year. But I refuse to nail myself down to one area, whether it be academics, music whatever. Because I'm a multi-faceted person. My idea of fulfillment ranges from watching a great TV show to completing a really great sketch or nailing a trumpet piece, or even writing an excellent essay. I'm not meant to live life on a single and unwavering track. No one is. So yes, I'm still a consciencous student. I still study, even if its out of vogue, and I still care very much about my success as a student. But unlike in the past, I'm going to try not to feel guilty when I fawn over an outfit, or spend an hour or two listening to music or just take a nap so I can dream. These are the things, I realize, that make my life worth living, instead of just "getting through it all." There's so much more to come. I have dreams to dream and things to accomplish. I am so fortunate to have the friends and family that I do. And that statement is so overused that is loses some of its meaning. But I can assure you, I squeeze every amount of meaning out of it. I feel so proud, so happy to see my friends succeed and be happy. My family's love and support move me to tears. And so, when I have such spectacular people in my life, being unhappy would almost be like letting them down...

inspiration on hold

I've always had a passion for life. Things like getting mail, eating ice cream, petting a cat or even going to shoprite usually make me genuinely happy. But lately, my life has felt so unfulfilling that I can't muster any enthusiasm for things that once made me excited. I want so much out of life that I'm not getting. I don't mean to sound selfish. What I mean is that I feel I need a miracle of sorts. I need to be doing something that I absolutely love. something fast-paced and glamorous, or just something that will get me out of warwick. I really do apologize for sounding so shallow. that is not my intent. But i think you understand where I'm coming from when i say i need something more. the monotony of everyday life is really getting to me. to be perfectly honest, i could never understand why people said they hated school until this year. School is usually an exciting, fun experience for me. I have never really minded the work load, even as it got heavier, because i had fun with my friends, i had great teachers and exciting events to look forward to. this year, i hardly see my friends, my teachers aren't inspiring me and somehow football games and dances aren't cutting it. I'm yearning for something beyond my life now. because if there's one thing I'm afraid of and will never let myself do is to grow up, raise a family, get old and die without ever making anything of myself. I'm really not trying to imply that I have over-whelming amounts of star quality, but i just feel like i could go so far. i just need to go out and find the opportunity. a task that is seeming more and more unrealistic. basically, to sum it up, I'm feeling very restless here while trying to be grateful for what i do have.

put on a happy face =)

things are beginning to look up. Not that they were ever that horrible, but I'm settling into the routine, although I still have no embraced sophmore year as much as I embraced freshmen year, and school doesn't seem quite so much like the enemy. Still have those early mornings, long days and busy afternoons, but sometimes hard work is good therapy. Especially if you get everything done well. Anyway, I know I'm kind of rambling. As Mrs. Insinger would say, I don't have a clear focus. But I haven't been writing much, so this is kind of making up for that. In a way, I'm happy to say that so far I've been doing more drawing than writing. Writing comes easily enough to me, but art is something I love, and have to work a little more at. But fortunately, my art class is a great environment for that.

I feel accomplished in a sense because I was able to channel my emotions about something and speak to the person about it very effectively. But still forcefully. This skill often evades me because usually when something upsets me, I let it take over me. I don't want to confront it, I'd rather sit back and let the tears fall (now thats dramatic huh) But this time, I grabbed the bull by the horns and talked about it, as I said, very effectively.

Nerd Day was a success, in my mind. I was happy to see that some people really got into it. It's always fun to dress up. And if you're debating gettin all decked out, or even flat out refusing to, just remember: it's one day a year. you might as well. So I hope to see everyone dressed up for the last two days of homecoming week!!
My nails are currently painted homemade aqua (i mixed food coloring with white nail polish) there was a really great Tyra on, I finally finished that unecessary english assignment, and all I have left to do is to study for a 34-question global test on the Enlightenment. I'm really dreading gym tomorrow, but as I have done in the past, I find something to look forward to. For tomorrow its the possibility of getting our chocolate, no jazz band, hopefully no homework and more doughnuts in English! =)

Sophomore: wise fool

so today marks the end of the second day of sophomore year. I can tell you right off the bat that my second day was so much better than my first. I'm not really sure I got so overwhelmed. Most years, I do get overwhelmed, but nothing like what I felt at the end of 8 periods worth of course syllabases. I mean, I had no lunch last year, but my classes are more challenging than last year. Significantly more challenging than last year. I noticed that every year you enter a new grade, you look back on your most recent year of school, and it seems so easy and carefree, even if it wasnt while you were in that grade. I have to admit, though, I had a relatively easy freshmen year. looking back, there was not this huge jump from 8th to 9th grade, a very small transition period, and i had so much fun! of course, i had my trials and tribulations like everyone, but in retrospect, i was living such a good life in freshmen year. i went to almost all the dances, band was fun because of all the people (who are now gone) cedar point was one of the crowning memories of my young life, i had john kolesar/evan mason for eye candy, i loved almost all my teachers, gym was a blast, art was a blast, i went on so many field trips. freshmen formal was incredible, i hung out with my friends a lot. I could go one, but i think you get the idea.
this year just doesnt give off that vibe. now don't get me wrong, i wasnt expecting this year to be a walk in the park. it shouldnt be. but it was a jarring transition for me and my outlook, on the first day especially, was very bleak. it was like the "play hard" half of the "work hard, play hard" phrase was missing. Or maybe it was just the fact that i had to walk home in the 90 degree sun after not having eaten for 6 hours. But I'm going to stop whining and tell you, objectively, about my first day.
English seems like a great course. mariel had ms. insinger also and had mostly negative things to say about her, but to me, she seems like a sweet person. she obviously has an appreciation for the english language and writing in general, and she seems thoroughly qualified to teach that class. a few of my classmates: jess <3, christian, nina, mark joanow, pierre francois, suzanne, erin, miggy etc. My art class is intensive, to say the least. our teacher, ms. witko, is obviously an excellent, experienced artist. we have legit homework in that class and will be bogged with projects. however, since art is a release for me, the focused work will be good. ms. witko seems nice, but strict. not to mention gorgeous. seriously, she could be a model. some of my classmates: becky, sara giarrtano, sam madden, aafia etc. gym is STUPID i hate gym. honestly, i hate it. today was my first day of it and its awful. i generally dont have a problem with gym. take last year: gym was my favorite class of the day. but this year its absolutely awful. the only person i know in that class is paul barone. and nothing against paul but hes literally the only person i know. argghh. band is, well, band. it obviously stinks w/o all the seniors. but i'm having fun so far and its probably the best class of the day. except that i tried practicing just now and it went horribly. so thats enough of that. some classmates: nerds. chemistry wasnt bad the first two days. today we actually got into some course work, talking about matter and stuff (why matter matters lol thanks mr. piasick) and although its gonna be dry and math-heavy, i think i can get through it. now a word in my defense: i heard rumors that mr. piasick was hot (ahem my sister ahem) and i refused to believe it, or accept that i too, would fall into his gorgeous, blue-eyed trap... SEE?? there i go. hes hot. hes pretty much in the gorgeous category. i hope that doesnt affect my grades (hehe) some classmates: jess, erin, orionne, christina, julia, russel broere, mark joanow etc. math i cant say much about because i dont want to say that its "not bad" and then have to eat my words later. but i'm going to agree with jess and say that mrs. wittenberg doesnt have much of a personality. i blame it on her math brain. so far we're just doing review, and im enjoying having math 6th period as opposed to first thing in the morning. some classmates: jess, kerianne, chrisitan, paul, schenkman, christina, caroline etc. you know how i said that band was my favorite class? well, global most defenitely comes in second. mr. o'connor is a leprachuan, as mariel so accurately puts it. he loves to talk about his music, his sports, his family, everything! we had a great discussion today about freedom of speech and believe it or not, he actually appreciates intelligent statements! ok, so they're not on the level of a rauschenbach discussion, but maybe they'll get there as the year goes on. he wears glasses, has a temper and lets us eat in class. some classmates: chritina (are you seeing a patern here?) elly, cheyenne, schenkman, davidta, suzanne, erin, nina etc. and to finish off the day with a hot classroom and more than a dash of french. wow. on the first day, you should have seen my face in that class. i was about to cry. not that what she was saying was so scary, just that it was COMPLETELY IN FRENCH. please dont misinterpret me: i knew this was coming. i had heard from over 1,000 sources that you cant understand her. that she goes on tangents. that her english is horrible. its different when you're sitting in her class and shes addressing you. now not to toot my own horn, but from growing up with a french-speaking mother, i understand spoken french very well. i understood 99% of what madame was saying, with accurate grammar and everthing. its when i have to speak or write, thats when it becomes a problem. shes a very very sweet lady. her accents adorable and you kinda want to give her a hug. so its not her personality that intimidates me. its her expertise of the language that kinda stops me in my tracks. but as i found out today, she does not expect us all to be on her level. she is great with helping people out. she even encourages us to whisper help to a classmate who is having trouble verbally answering a question. and shes so flustered and confused that its becoming increasingly difficult to be afraid of her.
this was, believe it or not, a brief overview of my school day. i am proud to say that by 4:00 my homework was completed, i took a call for baby-sitting and i pitifully attempted to practice. i now have the tyra show, dinner, a shower and sleep ahead of me.

please comment!!