it's a love story, baby just say yes

Now you're all going to think I'm bipolar. So I apologize for the confusion. But little things can change your perspective, as we all know. Things like a nice long talk with mom <3 or seeing your beautiful best friends make it through their lives. Or maybe just small things to look forward to. Or maybe writing a really meaningful poem, or experiencing a refreshing release. For me, I was fortunate to experience all of these. And now I'm content, if not happy. I hate to generalize life, because although I'm still young, I've learned that life is an open-ended question. And each person has their own answer, whether they know it or not. I still predict this will be a rough year. But I refuse to nail myself down to one area, whether it be academics, music whatever. Because I'm a multi-faceted person. My idea of fulfillment ranges from watching a great TV show to completing a really great sketch or nailing a trumpet piece, or even writing an excellent essay. I'm not meant to live life on a single and unwavering track. No one is. So yes, I'm still a consciencous student. I still study, even if its out of vogue, and I still care very much about my success as a student. But unlike in the past, I'm going to try not to feel guilty when I fawn over an outfit, or spend an hour or two listening to music or just take a nap so I can dream. These are the things, I realize, that make my life worth living, instead of just "getting through it all." There's so much more to come. I have dreams to dream and things to accomplish. I am so fortunate to have the friends and family that I do. And that statement is so overused that is loses some of its meaning. But I can assure you, I squeeze every amount of meaning out of it. I feel so proud, so happy to see my friends succeed and be happy. My family's love and support move me to tears. And so, when I have such spectacular people in my life, being unhappy would almost be like letting them down...

inspiration on hold

I've always had a passion for life. Things like getting mail, eating ice cream, petting a cat or even going to shoprite usually make me genuinely happy. But lately, my life has felt so unfulfilling that I can't muster any enthusiasm for things that once made me excited. I want so much out of life that I'm not getting. I don't mean to sound selfish. What I mean is that I feel I need a miracle of sorts. I need to be doing something that I absolutely love. something fast-paced and glamorous, or just something that will get me out of warwick. I really do apologize for sounding so shallow. that is not my intent. But i think you understand where I'm coming from when i say i need something more. the monotony of everyday life is really getting to me. to be perfectly honest, i could never understand why people said they hated school until this year. School is usually an exciting, fun experience for me. I have never really minded the work load, even as it got heavier, because i had fun with my friends, i had great teachers and exciting events to look forward to. this year, i hardly see my friends, my teachers aren't inspiring me and somehow football games and dances aren't cutting it. I'm yearning for something beyond my life now. because if there's one thing I'm afraid of and will never let myself do is to grow up, raise a family, get old and die without ever making anything of myself. I'm really not trying to imply that I have over-whelming amounts of star quality, but i just feel like i could go so far. i just need to go out and find the opportunity. a task that is seeming more and more unrealistic. basically, to sum it up, I'm feeling very restless here while trying to be grateful for what i do have.

put on a happy face =)

things are beginning to look up. Not that they were ever that horrible, but I'm settling into the routine, although I still have no embraced sophmore year as much as I embraced freshmen year, and school doesn't seem quite so much like the enemy. Still have those early mornings, long days and busy afternoons, but sometimes hard work is good therapy. Especially if you get everything done well. Anyway, I know I'm kind of rambling. As Mrs. Insinger would say, I don't have a clear focus. But I haven't been writing much, so this is kind of making up for that. In a way, I'm happy to say that so far I've been doing more drawing than writing. Writing comes easily enough to me, but art is something I love, and have to work a little more at. But fortunately, my art class is a great environment for that.

I feel accomplished in a sense because I was able to channel my emotions about something and speak to the person about it very effectively. But still forcefully. This skill often evades me because usually when something upsets me, I let it take over me. I don't want to confront it, I'd rather sit back and let the tears fall (now thats dramatic huh) But this time, I grabbed the bull by the horns and talked about it, as I said, very effectively.

Nerd Day was a success, in my mind. I was happy to see that some people really got into it. It's always fun to dress up. And if you're debating gettin all decked out, or even flat out refusing to, just remember: it's one day a year. you might as well. So I hope to see everyone dressed up for the last two days of homecoming week!!
My nails are currently painted homemade aqua (i mixed food coloring with white nail polish) there was a really great Tyra on, I finally finished that unecessary english assignment, and all I have left to do is to study for a 34-question global test on the Enlightenment. I'm really dreading gym tomorrow, but as I have done in the past, I find something to look forward to. For tomorrow its the possibility of getting our chocolate, no jazz band, hopefully no homework and more doughnuts in English! =)

Sophomore: wise fool

so today marks the end of the second day of sophomore year. I can tell you right off the bat that my second day was so much better than my first. I'm not really sure I got so overwhelmed. Most years, I do get overwhelmed, but nothing like what I felt at the end of 8 periods worth of course syllabases. I mean, I had no lunch last year, but my classes are more challenging than last year. Significantly more challenging than last year. I noticed that every year you enter a new grade, you look back on your most recent year of school, and it seems so easy and carefree, even if it wasnt while you were in that grade. I have to admit, though, I had a relatively easy freshmen year. looking back, there was not this huge jump from 8th to 9th grade, a very small transition period, and i had so much fun! of course, i had my trials and tribulations like everyone, but in retrospect, i was living such a good life in freshmen year. i went to almost all the dances, band was fun because of all the people (who are now gone) cedar point was one of the crowning memories of my young life, i had john kolesar/evan mason for eye candy, i loved almost all my teachers, gym was a blast, art was a blast, i went on so many field trips. freshmen formal was incredible, i hung out with my friends a lot. I could go one, but i think you get the idea.
this year just doesnt give off that vibe. now don't get me wrong, i wasnt expecting this year to be a walk in the park. it shouldnt be. but it was a jarring transition for me and my outlook, on the first day especially, was very bleak. it was like the "play hard" half of the "work hard, play hard" phrase was missing. Or maybe it was just the fact that i had to walk home in the 90 degree sun after not having eaten for 6 hours. But I'm going to stop whining and tell you, objectively, about my first day.
English seems like a great course. mariel had ms. insinger also and had mostly negative things to say about her, but to me, she seems like a sweet person. she obviously has an appreciation for the english language and writing in general, and she seems thoroughly qualified to teach that class. a few of my classmates: jess <3, christian, nina, mark joanow, pierre francois, suzanne, erin, miggy etc. My art class is intensive, to say the least. our teacher, ms. witko, is obviously an excellent, experienced artist. we have legit homework in that class and will be bogged with projects. however, since art is a release for me, the focused work will be good. ms. witko seems nice, but strict. not to mention gorgeous. seriously, she could be a model. some of my classmates: becky, sara giarrtano, sam madden, aafia etc. gym is STUPID i hate gym. honestly, i hate it. today was my first day of it and its awful. i generally dont have a problem with gym. take last year: gym was my favorite class of the day. but this year its absolutely awful. the only person i know in that class is paul barone. and nothing against paul but hes literally the only person i know. argghh. band is, well, band. it obviously stinks w/o all the seniors. but i'm having fun so far and its probably the best class of the day. except that i tried practicing just now and it went horribly. so thats enough of that. some classmates: nerds. chemistry wasnt bad the first two days. today we actually got into some course work, talking about matter and stuff (why matter matters lol thanks mr. piasick) and although its gonna be dry and math-heavy, i think i can get through it. now a word in my defense: i heard rumors that mr. piasick was hot (ahem my sister ahem) and i refused to believe it, or accept that i too, would fall into his gorgeous, blue-eyed trap... SEE?? there i go. hes hot. hes pretty much in the gorgeous category. i hope that doesnt affect my grades (hehe) some classmates: jess, erin, orionne, christina, julia, russel broere, mark joanow etc. math i cant say much about because i dont want to say that its "not bad" and then have to eat my words later. but i'm going to agree with jess and say that mrs. wittenberg doesnt have much of a personality. i blame it on her math brain. so far we're just doing review, and im enjoying having math 6th period as opposed to first thing in the morning. some classmates: jess, kerianne, chrisitan, paul, schenkman, christina, caroline etc. you know how i said that band was my favorite class? well, global most defenitely comes in second. mr. o'connor is a leprachuan, as mariel so accurately puts it. he loves to talk about his music, his sports, his family, everything! we had a great discussion today about freedom of speech and believe it or not, he actually appreciates intelligent statements! ok, so they're not on the level of a rauschenbach discussion, but maybe they'll get there as the year goes on. he wears glasses, has a temper and lets us eat in class. some classmates: chritina (are you seeing a patern here?) elly, cheyenne, schenkman, davidta, suzanne, erin, nina etc. and to finish off the day with a hot classroom and more than a dash of french. wow. on the first day, you should have seen my face in that class. i was about to cry. not that what she was saying was so scary, just that it was COMPLETELY IN FRENCH. please dont misinterpret me: i knew this was coming. i had heard from over 1,000 sources that you cant understand her. that she goes on tangents. that her english is horrible. its different when you're sitting in her class and shes addressing you. now not to toot my own horn, but from growing up with a french-speaking mother, i understand spoken french very well. i understood 99% of what madame was saying, with accurate grammar and everthing. its when i have to speak or write, thats when it becomes a problem. shes a very very sweet lady. her accents adorable and you kinda want to give her a hug. so its not her personality that intimidates me. its her expertise of the language that kinda stops me in my tracks. but as i found out today, she does not expect us all to be on her level. she is great with helping people out. she even encourages us to whisper help to a classmate who is having trouble verbally answering a question. and shes so flustered and confused that its becoming increasingly difficult to be afraid of her.
this was, believe it or not, a brief overview of my school day. i am proud to say that by 4:00 my homework was completed, i took a call for baby-sitting and i pitifully attempted to practice. i now have the tyra show, dinner, a shower and sleep ahead of me.

please comment!!

The world is led not by the example of our power, but by the power of our example

(loosely translated excerpt from former president Bill Clinton's speech)

For young Americans, for any Americans that is, to say that they are not interested in politics, that they don't want to get involved in politics, radiates laziness, and fear of controversy. It's not a question about choosing a party, whether that be the republican party, the democratic party, or my personal favorite, the green party. It is a question about being informed. And watching the Democratic National Convention, I felt just that. Our country is so far from perfect, it sometimes seems silly to think that we will ever be reformed and respected as we once were. And I am not one who puts all my hope in Barack Obama. That's like putting one battery in a device that needs 8 and hoping it will work. But I do have hope.

I still stand firm in my belief that Hilary Clinton would have make an excellent president. Nevertheless, Obama did make quite an impression with his speech on Thursday night. And along with other speakers, his VP Joe Biden included, the party made a statement. Sure there were cliches, mudslinging, and over-used statements that go hand in hand with politics. But overall, the excitement of the night made for some good old fashioned American pride.

It's all coming to a close

So i didn't continue that post about the concert. I think most of you heard about it verbally anyway. So i feel i can close that chapter. Next up is my vacation, which was absolutely incredible. For those of you who have never experienced the powerful beauty of Niagra Falls, well, I don't feel I can properly do it justice for you. The sheer force with which the water barrells over the rock is startling and sometimes frightening. 750,000 gallons of water, or something like that, crashes over the falls a second. Now tell me that isn't awe-inspiring. The fact that nature can create something so powerful, so graceful, so incredible knocks every human inventor off their pedestal. I think we saw the falls from every angle, at every time of day. When i say the falls, i mean the combination of the three "seperate" falls. They're all in the general vicinity, of course. There are the american falls which, clearly, are on the american side of the river. There are the horseshoe falls which are technically on the candaian side, but in actuality, they span both sides. They are named so because, well, they form a horseshoe. and last but not least are the bridal falls which are small, in comparison, to the two others. we were able to view these falls from a small, lush island. of course, the ground surrounding the falls is so fertile because its constantly saturated with fresh water (the water that goes over the falls comes from all 5 of the great lakes) The popular way to view the falls is from the passenger boat, the Maid of the Mist. we were planning to join the throngs of tourists clamouring to be misted by the waters of the horseshoe falls. but instead we found whats known as cave of the winds. The name leads you to think that you'll be exploring a cave. however, this is not the case. It used to be a cave, almost behind the falls, but this cave collapsed years ago. instead, you are given a poncho and foam sandals (extremely stylish, as you can imagine) and they take you down 17 stories in a hand-tooled elevator to the bottom of the falls. If you can imagine, the view is somehow even more spectacular than the view when you are level to the falls. This is due to the fact that you are looking up at the falls, crashing seemingly onto you. you are right at the level where the water from the falls hits the river. so naturally, you get a little wet. but this is nothing compared to the hurricane deck, aptly named, as you are experiencing conditions that mimick a level 3 hurricane. just as a point of reference, hurricane katrina was a level 5 hurricane. so ultimately? you get soaked. through the poncho and all. basically, you are receiving the full force of the falls, deflected only by a large rock. its awesome =)


so that was some, but not alll, of our vacation. as a side note, i thought i was excited to go back to school but then i dropped my course change form off at the high school and suddenly, i wasnt so excited anymore

And I know we get a little crazy

Dealing with an absolute tragedy has been draining and of course, very saddening. So, I don't want to post about it. Instead, while I'm waiting for pictures to upload, I'd like to relate my first concert experience. For those of you who don't really need to know, you can stop reading at any time =)

We were originally planning to leave early, but that didn't work out. By early i mean hit the road by 11. instead we left around 2:30-3:00. As we got closer to our exit on the highway, the normal stream of cars began to thicken. and before we knew it, there was a visible line leading up to exit 104. many cars bore messages such as "honk if you love the jonas brothers" or "happy birthday joe" or "future mrs. nick jonas." Needless to say, we knew we were on the right track.

The road leading up to the venue was...interesting. The country sections of it were beautiful, full of rolling green hills, huge meadows and even a lake. but the places along the way were kinda sleezy. once we turned onto the actual road to the concert venue, the excitement really picked up. parking was surprisingly hassle free. once we found a place on the grass, we started off to the stage. since it was our first time there, there was a lot of picture taking. we passed through the first gate, saw the new woodstock museum, passed through the bag check, and the ticket check. unbeknownst to us, we were not allowed in with anything larger than a piece of paper. which meant we'd have to surrender our posters, which was a total bummer. however, we got through, bought a t-shirt and saw caitlin meehan =) we continued walking along until we encountered a massive crowd/line. turns out, the guys were still in sound check so the gates to the stage weren't open to the public yet. once they opened, people charged like antelope on the serengeti. i'm aware that was an unecessary comparison.

i don't think we were prepared for the amount of people that were attending this concert. getting past people was like wading through mud. and we had to get past all the people that had lawn seats and down to our pavillion seats. but we made it, being the troopers we are, and found our seats no problem. we were SO excited. but that's assumed. the seats began to fill up as oldies songs blasted through the speakers. the stage was all set up, with demi lovatos drum set taking center stage.

we were innocently sitting in our seats, mariel and I, when girls started screaming. a few girls started running down to the back parking lot, and all of the sudden it was a stampede: the doors of the tour bus had opened. don't ask me how we did it, but mariel and i got right up to the front of the crowd. we were literally smashed against the metal fence. the whole crowd held their breath. all of the sudden, a fedora appeared from behind the bus door. the girls went insane. that's an understatement. if you had taken a general pulse of all the girls, it would have been extremely unhealthy. joe was followed by nick and then kevin and finally big rob. seeing them in person is so surreal. you forget that they're real live people. you see them on TV and see pictures of them all the time, but seeing them live is a whole other ball game. they were rushed in, of course, but joe had time to give the crowd a wave. i could see hearts stop.

we eventually made our way back to our seats, chattering madly the whole time. once demi took the stage, the crowd fired up again. she sang a few songs that were pretty good but no one really knew. she got a robust applause regardless. especially when she asked if we were ready for the jonas brothers.

turns out, it was about an hour wait before we GOT the jonas brothers. the rumor was that they were celebrating joe's 19th birthday. another rumor was that taylor swift, joe's rumored girlfriend, had arrived. we joined the crowd that ran down to try to see her, but no one appeared. for the record, she did appear right before the boys went on. cute =)

so we waited and waited. people frequently tried to start "jonas" chants. i complained to mariel about how the jonas brothers were being divas. but finally FINALLY, the stage blacked out; the show was about to begin. now i could go on to describe their entrance, but it would not do it justice. i did, however, take a video. ask me about it =) i'm going to finish this later. stay tuned!